He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
