i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
