Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
