I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
