I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
