Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
