Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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