And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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