the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
