the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
