PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize