cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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