I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
