She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
