Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
