Dual....:-)
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
