Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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