I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize