DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
