i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
