But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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