How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
