no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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