The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
