Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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