hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
