i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
