make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
