TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Green mimosas i think yes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Randomize
