...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
