just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
