If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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