my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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