my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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