Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
