I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need water and some morals
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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