I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
