we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize