chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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