You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
