you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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