Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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