well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
