I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
