i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
