hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
