My first STD was from a foam party
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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