Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
