i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
