she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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