Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
