You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
