She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
