so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Alive.
So much puke
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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