this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So squirting runs in the family.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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