If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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