Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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