so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
