i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
