Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
