I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
