i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize