Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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