You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
