i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
