Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
