I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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