Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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