It's like God shit irony all over that family
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize