someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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