I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i think we sleep fucked last night...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
