haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
