I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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