Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize