hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
