No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
