his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
last night I used snow as a chaser
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
