if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
