My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can I color on your dick again?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
